JD Kornuto
Bullriding Champ and
Ballsville Beef Parts Spokesman

Wash Your Hands!

Randy McLard on Recent Allegations of Rancid Bull Meat Delivery To Local School

To Our Valued Customers:

As you all know, I've been a rancher for over thirty years. My daddy was a rancher. And my daddy's daddy. And my daddy's daddy's daddy before that. Beef is all I know. And, more specifically, beef parts. And the good people of Ballsville know me. I'm the guy who paid for your children's Pop Warner football uniforms, with the fine BBP logo branded on the sleeves. I'm the guy who officiates over the Annual Ballsville Beef Parts Pig Chase, featuring the beautiful ladies of Ballsville and a lubed up pig. That's me. And I'm the guy who went to high school with your cousin Millie and didn't look at her funny when she done got herself pregnant by that fella who worked nights at the Whistle Pop. You know me.

That's why you know that I'd rather get my left ball stuck in the grinder and left for bloody bovine bristle than see children get sick off of our meat. The liberal media wants you to believe that we at BBP are a big, bad, evil corporate conglomerate. But it just ain't true. We are family run business. We are active in the Ballsville community. Heck, any part of the bull testicles we don't use we donate to the Ballsville Animal Shelter to help feed the poor mangy orphan critters.

As for the accusations that we donated 10,000 pounds of rancid meat to the Ballsville West Elementary School. It's a bunch of hoonannie. Let me be clear: It didn't happen. Yes, we donated some meat. Yes, there was a slight mix up at the processing plant and some boxes were mislabeled. Yes, these boxes were delivered to the schools. But that meat was not rancid. That was a lie concocted by some reporter looking for his next big by-line. The meat was not expired, not stale, and definitely not rancid. It was testicular bi-products -- testicle meat and completely safe for human consumption. I'd have eaten it myself.

The above mentioned testicular bi-products had been checked twice by the Beef Industry Food Safety Council, according to the laws of the Beef Industry Ordinances of the fine State of Oklahoma. It was safe to eat. As my daddy Billy "Pig Pen" McLard used to say, "It was good enough to eat... So eat it!"

I'll swear that on my name. Or else the McLard family name ain't worth bull.


Randy McLard

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